THANK YOU EVERYONE!

Not too long ago I was a stressful mess pleading to everyone for prayers.

WOW!

I believe in the power of prayer.

It is wonderful how you ask for a drink of water and you get a waterfall.

God didn't send me the ocean. But no doubt he has quenched our thirst.

Dale took a wonderful job in the little swedish town of Kingsburg.

I am not sure where the swedish part comes in but this is how I have known this town.

It is 26 miles south of where I am now and it is like a needle in the haystack compared to Fresno.

Am I happy?   ABSOLUTELY!

Dale was commuting back and forth and I have to tell you.....

Dale has not commuted in 10 years....lol

So you see the need to move there.

So here he is driving around on his lunch break and sees a little "for rent" sign.

Call this number he texts me.

I did.  The guy says it was maybe rented already.

Ok....well call me if it dont work out.

He calls me 3 days later and says...it is available.

So Dale takes me to this house and I am laughing when we turn

down this road that has like fricken HUGE houses along a golf course.

I tell him....are you kidding me!  No way!

Half way down the block sits this house...a little unkept. But nice.

Real nice.   I walked in and told the guy...we will take it.

It is modern...I love victorian.  It has flowers painted on the wall....not a fan.

It only has two bedrooms.....need 3.

But it has a bar!

And it has a room for my studio!

And it has a pool!

Oh yes....give me!

It isn't Connecticut.....I haven't given up on that.

But it is as close to Connecticut as I can get right now and for that I am thankful.

Thank you to everyone who held my family close to their hearts when I really needed you.

Thank you so much for your prayers.

And thank you so much for just being our friend.

LOVE YOU!!

To believe or not to believe...that is the question

ADAM AND EVE

If we took the bible and re-wrote it into some "easy to read" format would you look at it differently.

I see posts daily about God and religion and Wars and Diplomatic this or that.

A friend asked a question yesterday....

Which do you believe?

Adam and Eve or Evolution?

I responded.....Adam and Eve

Well you know where that got me. lol

So I write this blog today because it just seems to me that the question

never really gets answered.

It gets filled with issues and topics that go far beyond the simple question at hand.

If we look at the creation of Adam and Eve we all know they were pure and perfect.

 We all know that God asked them to be fruitful and multiply.

We all know that they lived in a perfect garden.

Ok here is the tricky part.  The bible tells the story of just one tree.

it is the tree of knowledge.  Adam and Eve were told to never eat from that tree.

Here is where I feel the need to re-write it so it is easy to understand.

The tree is a metaphor. 

Now remember I am writing this so it is easy to read.

You all know that Lucifer was banned from heaven. He wanted to be the boss. So God kicked him out.

You all know that Lucifer was an Angel (human form)

When he was kicked out he wanted to destroy God.

He went to the garden of Eden and he waited till Eve was alone. 

Like at a bar....he hit on her.  Told her that she didn't just have to be with Adam.

He can make her feel as good or even better.

He lured her into his arms.  Made love to her.

She left and was so ashamed that she betrayed Adam that she didn't want him to see her.

So she wore the leaf to hide herself. 

Maybe it was a rape. Maybe that is why she hid from Adam.

Non the less....Lucifer seeded her with child.

Cain and Able.

Cain was Lucifer's son. Able was Adam's.

A bastard child that didn't get the attention from his parents like Able did.

He grew up more angry and hated Able even more.

Cain kills Able.

So there it is.  The answer to lives question.

Can you see this as the beginning of war?  Can you see this as the mass destruction of everything good? Can you see why we have different beliefs and why we have one side or the other?

I will not go through the entire Bible to explain how all the other things happened.  

I just feel this is where it all started.

Even to this day we have children out of wedlock.  Affairs and secrets. We to this day are ashamed to face the truth of our own doings.

Some of you get married and take vows before God (yes he is always mentioned in the vows) and you don't believe in him.

You believe in Evolution.

I believe in God's laws.  And yes I break them.  I am more of a criminal in God's eyes then in Man's laws.

I serve a lifetime sentence.  My parole may or may not come.  I accepted what I have been sentenced for and  I accept the punishment.  I will not fight it.  I will not hate my judge for giving it to me.

Non believers  

Go and blame everyone else for all your bullshit.  Go and hide and kill anyone who tries to bring you to justice. Get a heavier sentence and never stand a chance of being set free.

Ever feel like the light is too far?

Dale had another interview last week. 

 It went perfect and all the signs were there that he landed the job. We waited all weekend and just knew today they would call and we would finally be out of this rut. 

Call comes in....and they gave it to someone else.

My heart sank back so deep into my chest that it hurt. My wonderful beautiful spectacular husband just tells me in his calm voice....

 It just means there is something better for me out there honey.

I thank God everyday that he has the strength to hold us both up because I am definitely

 not that strong.

Is it that bad out there?  Are we the only ones feeling this?

There is so much stress building inside me that it affects everyone around me.  My Mom, bless her heart, she takes everything so personal.  My problems are because of her.  That helps.

 I don't have the patients to console her.

 I just get mad and walk away. 

 She is lonely and I am the last person she can rely on to make her life different right now.

 Not a comforting feeling but I can't fix it.

Why do I sit here and write all my crappy feelings and allow everyone to read. 

 I know it is pretty depressing.

 I would love to write to all and tell you Dale landed the biggest greatest career move 

and I am having a huge party to celebrate.

Not this week.

Again I say to you all that read this. Thank you for your support.

I know there is a light out there...and when we see it....it will be so bright. 

The only other light I will have to look for is the one God leaves on for us.

Can you please help me spread the word.

This Blog stuff is kind of confusing. Apparently I can't create a brand new one.  I need to just keep adding. Kinda like a journal I suppose.

That is ok....I can do this!

Front page news the other day that this man was looking for some help.  Holding a piece of cardboard. Humbling himself for all the world to see. I see people of the like everyday here in Fresno. Nearly every street corner has one. Shopping carts full of what little they have. I have to say though...the man in the newspaper....was a rare sight. At least for me.  I mean seriously. I actually saw a man and a woman with a kid about 12 years of aged. The kid was holding the sign...the man was on a crate and the woman...she was lounged on the lawn with a pint of whiskey and a cigarette. Maybe it is wrong of me to assume they were just what they wanted to be. Drunk bums....content with being a drunk and hiding from their real problems. Providing for the kid or maybe paying Uncle Sam like we all do. Some of them even have a dog.  What happened to cruelty to animals...or child abuse laws?

Well anyways, after I read in the paper that this man of bad fortune landed the perfect job just by holding up a piece of cardboard made me look at things a little more closely. 

I don't think I could bring myself to be so brave as that man to hold up a piece of cardboard...but I will at this time post it on my Blog.

DALE PRESTON IS LOOKING FOR WORK.

HE IS A SOFTWARE DEVELOPER, PROGRAMMER. HE HAS A DEGREE IN BUSINESS MANAGEMENT AND A DEGREE IN COMPUTER SCIENCE. HE HAS 28 YEARS  EXPERIENCE.

WILLING TO RELOCATE.

IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE OR MAYBE SOMEONE YOU KNOW MIGHT KNOW SOMEONE...ETC. PLEASE CONTACT DALE AT DEPRESTON05@COMCAST.NET

So there you have it. I don't have all his qualifications to summit a resume for you but I am really praying that if everyone sent this to people you know maybe he will get a bite you know? I don't mean bounce it around on your facebook wall.  Maybe send it as a private message to your friends or family that might be in the same line of work.

I believe God gave us all a voice and if we all shout loud enough something will happen.  God has blessed me with wonderful people in my little cyber circle and without him I would not have the courage to write this. 

I ask in Jesus' name....Amen.

 

True feelings

How do you start here.  Babble and see what happens I suppose. I always find putting down on paper helps me to better understand all my thoughts.  So here it goes.

My life was never a bed of roses. I made plenty of mistakes...too many to count. But if those mistakes never happened I would not be in the place I am now. I am truly blessed to have Dale in my life. I am blessed to have 2 beautiful grandchildren from my only child Kandi. I am blessed to have another grandchild from Dale's daughter Rebecca and we have kinda adopted Jesse as our son giving us 3 more beautiful grandchildren. In a previous marriage I had the pleasure of falling in love with 2 wonderful children, Josh and Rashel. All grown up now but my babies all the same. I am blessed they are and always will be in my life. I don't see my daughter or the babies because she lives in Oklahoma. The few times I have...every minute is treasured. Dale's daughter is in Utah so our visits there are limited as well but also treasured what little time we have spent with her.

Where am I going with this?  I have no idea.  Remember I babble.  I can say.  I miss them terribly and would love to to see them everyday.

I have dreams. Dreams of vacationing with all my grandbabies to Disneyland. I remember when I was a child my Father took us every year some place. Of course first we had to go see Grandma and Grandpap in Oklahoma. Then off to wonderful places. My favorite Yellowstone Park.

I always said I wanted a life like my parents had. We were raised to love and respect each other. Yes we fought..all kids did. But I loved my family. I was blessed. Daddy worked every single day to provide for us and my mother devoted all her time in caring for us and our home.

Here I am today filling the shoes my mother used to wear. Dale is the provider and I am the little miss homemaker. 

There is one catch. April of 2009 we lost our home. July of 2010 Dale lost his job. yep...the bad economy grabbed us and sucked us into a hell that I never dreamed would happen. This is not my plan.

Our savings is dwindling down and what we have tucked away for a new home is now our sole means of income.

Dale looks everyday and everyday we pray that one opportunity will come and we will back on the road to success. He is a lot stronger then I am.  I stress and feel sorry for myself. He smiles and says it will all be ok.

I am a dreamer and a realists. My problem is my realist part destroys my dreams.

God says he will never let us carry more then what we can bare. So let me weigh this huge pile I am lugging around. My Mom has moved in with us. I love that part.  The part I don't like is she got sick. On the road to recovery but it still weighs on me. Dale hasn't found work and I am very stressed about that. I myself have poor health. I hold the world record on Migraines. I don't do anything that requires me to lift or pull more then 10 pounds or it puts me in bed for 2 days. No more medical insurance therefore I do what I can to not do anything. We pay too much for rent right now but without work it isn't in the cards to relocate. Ha! relocate...yeah that was another dream. Get out of Fresno. Get out of California. I feel like I have concrete shoes on and stuck in this over populated dirty pathetic city. Dale had a quintauple bypass a few years back. So when he doesn't feel well my blood pressure sores. I lost a lot of things. I will not lose him.

Family support is not what I would like it to be. A little pat on the back would be nice. Being a little more thankful that I devoted my life to taking care of my Mom while the rest of the family doesn't have to worry about her. Seems all is well until I ask for a little help. Then I am questioned about the why and why nots and how come I can't do it myself.

I can't do it all myself. I am one person and I don't have the strength to be a heavy weight and I don't have the energy to not have a day off. There is no room in my life for peace and quiet. I can't imagine family pulling together for the sake of one or the other. We are all too selfish to do that.

So everyday I thank God for what I do have and I cry for the things I don't.  I thank God for not taking my Mom right now because I am not ready to say goodbye yet. Everyday the phone does not ring I say a prayer at night that it rings off the hook tomorrow. Every time my husband puts his arms around me I thank God for him. I pray I can hold him for another 7 years....and another...and another.

I pray this is all just a rut in the road that shifted the weight making it a little harder to carry.  That God does not think I am superman and he takes some of this load off soon. I ask this in Jesus' name....Amen.